Your Facebook Correspondence Sucks

When I was younger and an idiot, I would occasionally find myself having an interesting conversation in a bar that I was pretty sure some of the nearby patrons would really enjoy. I would not be so brash as to turn to them and go "can you believe this?" Instead I would talk a bit louder, angle my body a bit to lure them in, and you know what?

It never worked!

you know what else?

You're doing it too! Only instead of being 22 and drunk you're 29 and sober. And everyone around you is sober, and Facebook is going to leave those messages up so long Andre the Giant stickers will get jealous.

We don't care, none of us, the people who are close enough to you to accept your digital friendship. Instead of publicly shouting your insincere hellos back and forth, why don't you construct an actual message of thought?

I suppose that would be too hard. Take too much effort when all you wanted to say was, "I had the kale salad at M de Chaya and it was off today, how are you?"

Your Reply to All Sucks

I know that Facebook and Twitter have you under the impression that people care about your day to day thoughts and activities, but sending a message meant for one person to 27 of us is uncouth.

It's very likely we are not friends. I know this because anyone one of my friends who "replies to all" on an email with something to the extent of "congratulations" or "yeah, I'll be there" has been scrubbed from my personal friendship records.

So you're happy our mutual email acquaintance graduated. I don't care. Write back to the one person who wrote to you, not the other 26 of us who happened to receive it. I do not care about your sentiment or availability. I did not ask.

What's your side project? Keeping up correspondences on myspace via the comments section?

The App Store Stucks

I read about the game "Go" and instead of swimming through the misery that is the iphone games selection on my phone, I go to the App Store via itunes. After twenty minutes of searching (itunes is not much better at searching and sorting than the phone) I find an app I want and buy it. It's reasonably expensive at $10.

The app downloads to my local itunes and goes wherever it goes. I don't immediately hook my phone up to it. I go over to my other mac and plug in my phone. Despite being connected to the same itunes account (a .mac account no less), my desktop and the itunes store has no idea I ever downloaded or purchased the app, so I can't install it via my desktop.

I come back to my laptop to install the game. It's not immediately obvious how to do so, but eventually I find the "Sync Applications" panel, telling itunes to sync all applications.

Itunes then proceeds to delete every application I've downloaded (free and paid) off my phone, then it installs the one.

I swear to god Apple has three smart people and they all quit sometime before the iphone came out.

As a bonus, just to show you they are ignorant douchebags, when I synch my addressbook, it asks if I want to merge or replace my contact list. Wow guys. Wow.

Maya for OSX Sucks

It's not that Maya on a mac is godawful. It doesn't crash much and does what it should, basically. The problem stems from the fact that whoever ported it must have been blind and relied on a series of diagnostic tests to see that all the functions were working.

I can guarantee they never once opened it up and saw the fonts hanging over their baselines, the ramps that disappear if you scroll up or down, and they certainly didn't try to scrub in the channel boxes while footage was playing. This is after their "service pack 1" to fix issues like those.

Again, it works, it just doesn't work nearly as well or snappily as the windows version. It costs the same. Thanks Autodesk.

That Song, Umbrella, Sucks

Since I'm on the topic of choruses, the one in "Umbrella" is fantastic. The problem is that after hearing the chorus so many times on so many montages, award shows, youtube anime videos and whatever else, I finally heard the real song.

My first thought was it's a b-side remix. B-side remixes always suck. Someone gets the great idea to pair down the song to some random beat and just keeps the vocals. Only in this case, it's the A-side.

She should have collaborated with Lil Wayne or T Pain instead of Jay Z.

Now imagine you're Thomas Jefferson, it's the late 1700s and you read that last sentence, from the future. Right?

Katy Perry's Grammar Sucks

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it

lines 1,3 and 4 are complete thoughts.

line 2 is not.

Outside of the very catchy chorus the song's forgettable, and outside of the song the album is a batch of Hilary Duff b-sides. All there is is that chorus, but what the fuck?

Why the sentence fragment?

The taste of her cherry chapstick what? You liked the taste? I'm guessing so, cos this song is all about (I'm not gay) kissing other girls (I'm not gay) and liking it. Complete your boring and obvious thought Katy Perry, whatever it is.