Minute 11, which considering Tivo grabbed an extra 5 at the head means I'm only one tenth of the way into this drivel, but two things I forgot to mention last time need saying:
1: There's ANOTHER guy who can paint the future. All he paints so far is the earth blowing up, but still. Can't he write the future, make videos that contain the future, pee in puddles that are future shaped? Sure it was a cool ability in season 1, but all this time travel you can't change the future cos I painted it only you totally can bull is exhausting.
2: blue fire man. Never has fire been more unconvincingly thrown than by this man. Shamed (heavily I might add) by the Nickelodeon cartoon "Avatar: The Last Airbender". I'm having a hard time coming up with a picturesque analogy for this other than to say it looks like the actor is embarrassed that he has to throw fire.
subnotes:
Painting Man's Paintings. WTF. He trips out and does them with his hands. But they don't look like he does them with his hands. They look like someone's deviant art page. "Hey, come check out my cool drawings of Batman giving handjobs."
Awesome. Seriously.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Sarah Conor Chonicles Sucks
In the same way that I'm upset with the Animatrix, Matrix 2 and Matrix 3 for forcing me to question much of the machine logic that I was fine with in Matrix 1 (specifically how humans can dig fast without machines, and why don't the machines either build rockets to go above the goofy clouds for solar power or do like we do now and just burn things and smash atoms to make energy), So has the show "The Sarah Conor Chronicles" forced me to wonder why the machines of the future can't make a Terminator capable of any kind of emotion.
They can put living tissue on a metal skeleton, shoot it through time seemingly at will, but programming smiles in is too much?
Subnote: why did they all of a sudden start sending ladybots back? Was the idea to have them hump JC (In this case "John Conor") and kill him Xenia Onatopp style? It makes zero sense; you can stick way more death aparati in a large dude.
T4 better not have ladybots.
They can put living tissue on a metal skeleton, shoot it through time seemingly at will, but programming smiles in is too much?
Subnote: why did they all of a sudden start sending ladybots back? Was the idea to have them hump JC (In this case "John Conor") and kill him Xenia Onatopp style? It makes zero sense; you can stick way more death aparati in a large dude.
T4 better not have ladybots.
Heroes Season 3 Sucks
Getting started off right with a visit to the future (which, lo and behold, sucks) Claire and the two porcupines the makeup department crammed into her eye sockets bust out this gem of a line:
"It ends here."
which, well, which two things:
1. In hindsight: i wish.
2. Nice to see they got whoever wrote "generic tough guy video game #7" to write for them.
There's a lot of bullshit, but let's focus on three key points.
1. Hiro sees Ando betray him with some red lightning. The "Ando betrays Hiro" setup is dumb and I'm almost as uninterested in how it pans out as I am in how his trip to Japan did. I'm biting my nails down to soft pulp worrying if Ando and Hiro will be friends in season 4. Soft Pulp.
2. New vilians. This season's about the bad guys. I got that from the subtitle. The bad guys are a black dude, a white guy with blue flames, and Magneto. Fake Magneto's even German. Maybe it's just me, but an homage (assuming it's not ignorance or ineptitude, which is a stretch...) is unnecessary. It's a comic book show. It's not like they broke any molds when coming up with the existing powers, but do you have to underscore it so heavily by picking a superpower that is so specifically iconic to one (German) dude? Unless Fake Magneto's doing cooler things than ripping out Wolverine's exoskeleton or laying waste to prisons with pennies, you're doing a disservice to Real Magneto. As for the other powers, blue flame? The justification for what kind of power in this season can be summed up thusly:
"Fuck it. Because."
3. Any story that involves time travel sucks. Time travel is plot hole spackle. It takes away every single rule and leaves you knowing that things are going to continue and bla bla bla. Having Hiro see that the future still has issues, like wow. They're not going to happpen. Super Hiro's bad future never happened. The virus future never happend. Roll them plot dice kids, "Clair with a Gun Future" isn't happening. It will be narrowly averted. It's 24; it can never be a good show cos nothing lasting can ever happen on it. Instead of creating some interesting constraints and working with them, we've got magic time travel want to fix everything.
Every week, after "The Sarah Conor Chronicles" airs, my friend tells me how terrible it is. He gives me a run down of all the nonsense that these terminators go through to not successfully kill John Conor. He says he's just waiting for the robot sex, but I think his larger motivation is to see how shitty it can get. Heroes is now my Sarah Conor Chronicles.
"It ends here."
which, well, which two things:
1. In hindsight: i wish.
2. Nice to see they got whoever wrote "generic tough guy video game #7" to write for them.
There's a lot of bullshit, but let's focus on three key points.
1. Hiro sees Ando betray him with some red lightning. The "Ando betrays Hiro" setup is dumb and I'm almost as uninterested in how it pans out as I am in how his trip to Japan did. I'm biting my nails down to soft pulp worrying if Ando and Hiro will be friends in season 4. Soft Pulp.
2. New vilians. This season's about the bad guys. I got that from the subtitle. The bad guys are a black dude, a white guy with blue flames, and Magneto. Fake Magneto's even German. Maybe it's just me, but an homage (assuming it's not ignorance or ineptitude, which is a stretch...) is unnecessary. It's a comic book show. It's not like they broke any molds when coming up with the existing powers, but do you have to underscore it so heavily by picking a superpower that is so specifically iconic to one (German) dude? Unless Fake Magneto's doing cooler things than ripping out Wolverine's exoskeleton or laying waste to prisons with pennies, you're doing a disservice to Real Magneto. As for the other powers, blue flame? The justification for what kind of power in this season can be summed up thusly:
"Fuck it. Because."
3. Any story that involves time travel sucks. Time travel is plot hole spackle. It takes away every single rule and leaves you knowing that things are going to continue and bla bla bla. Having Hiro see that the future still has issues, like wow. They're not going to happpen. Super Hiro's bad future never happened. The virus future never happend. Roll them plot dice kids, "Clair with a Gun Future" isn't happening. It will be narrowly averted. It's 24; it can never be a good show cos nothing lasting can ever happen on it. Instead of creating some interesting constraints and working with them, we've got magic time travel want to fix everything.
Every week, after "The Sarah Conor Chronicles" airs, my friend tells me how terrible it is. He gives me a run down of all the nonsense that these terminators go through to not successfully kill John Conor. He says he's just waiting for the robot sex, but I think his larger motivation is to see how shitty it can get. Heroes is now my Sarah Conor Chronicles.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Megan Fox no longer sucks
I read this:
http://dlisted.com/node/28277
and I take it back. Props to proud ball grabs.
http://dlisted.com/node/28277
and I take it back. Props to proud ball grabs.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
90210 sucks
things I can lift with one arm:
- my laptop
- an orange
- carry on luggage
- the entire female "teen" cast of the new 90210.
not a show, rather a weekly documentary on eating disorders and slouching.
- my laptop
- an orange
- carry on luggage
- the entire female "teen" cast of the new 90210.
not a show, rather a weekly documentary on eating disorders and slouching.
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