In the store the other day to pick up Ace Combat 6, I notice a few titles from old standby Square Enix. Pretty much every one of them is worth buying.
And so I bought all of them.
TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO!
There are like five fucking remakes in the past two years of Final Fantasy 1 alone. It's a fine game, but shit man. You can't make like, another one with an equally as simple story with a minor shift in gameplay? I mean that tactic got you all the way up to 12 sequels, so why have you become the Japanese Final Fantasy Lucasarts?
Give me a retooled Einhander, Xenogears, Chrono Trigger + Cross. Or shit, here's a fucking idea... MAKE SEQUELS TO ALL OF THEM.
Yeah, even Xenogears, cos Xenosaga is the most insulting pile of shit in the video game world.
All the company does now is remake Final Fantasy games. And not even the one people actually want (hint: it's after 6 and before 8), but just GBA and DS and PSP remakes of the first six in the series, only with like, marginally better graphics an some new monsters and weapons, to you know, force you to throw another 100 hours of your life into a 16 bit hole.
I'll admit, playing FF 4 and 6 on an airplane is the fucking jam, but mother of god, as I watch my PS3 dry up and die from a lack of any significant games, I can't help but think of how badass some new (gasp) IP from Square Enix could be.
But as far as I can tell, they fired all the guys who came up w/ Chrono, Xeno, Einhander and Tobal. So say hello to the shitfest that will be final fantasy 13 and it's 30 variations.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Al Gore Sucks
He got a nobel peace price for being a narrator. And an academy award. And other shit. Narrator. You wanna talk about shitty things going on in this world, the Nobel commission giving out their highest award to a narrator is pretty high on the list. Who's next? George Clooney?
And now people are like "He should run for president!"
No. No he should not. He should narrate more eco-fearmongering movies, but not run for president. I know people say he's less of a robot now, but I saw him speak recently; he's still a robot.
And now people are like "He should run for president!"
No. No he should not. He should narrate more eco-fearmongering movies, but not run for president. I know people say he's less of a robot now, but I saw him speak recently; he's still a robot.
People Who Donate to Public Radio Suck
Do I really need to hear you out and out tell me how much better a person you are than I am? Last night there was a bumper from a (self) satisfied donator to public radio that said public radio made you smarter.
While i'd like to give to NPR at some point, hearing the testimonials of those who have given piss me off. Every single one is a passive aggressive guilt trip. I am so important and worldly cos I got my free (actual cost to you via your donation: $120) mug that I am totally cool with coming down to the station to tell everyone else how awesome I am.
Yeah, I can drop by anytime. I don't really have a job. I just sit around and get mad about republicans all day.
also: s + mug.
While i'd like to give to NPR at some point, hearing the testimonials of those who have given piss me off. Every single one is a passive aggressive guilt trip. I am so important and worldly cos I got my free (actual cost to you via your donation: $120) mug that I am totally cool with coming down to the station to tell everyone else how awesome I am.
Yeah, I can drop by anytime. I don't really have a job. I just sit around and get mad about republicans all day.
also: s + mug.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Word Tattoos Suck
Megan Fox. Hot right? Only she has this:
Read that. Let your dick go soft. It won't take long.
Read that. Let your dick go soft. It won't take long.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Democrats Suck
I don't like Republicans either but at least they are consistent and only aim to please the religious right (which if you start thinking about the relationship to there, it's very insulting to the intelligence of both sides, but anyway...)
It's really Al Gore trying to kiss his wife in 2000. More than anything that was when I was like "shit, you guys suck", and ending up with John Kerry (four total bills sponsored in however many years, one about dolphins) trying to seem like something other than a rich socialite. Aat least Bush just goes dumb to hide his elite upbringing (again with the insulting to both sides).
So Al Gore is there, trying to prove that he's not a robot, but a man of passion and he kisses his wife. At least, that's how you'd imagine it had you read about it. What actually when down was so unsettling I'd rather think about Larry Craig doing his 'thing'. If Al Gore has ever kissed his wife, he hadn't done it in a long time. I'd put it up there with watching porn with your parents while they make out.
And that's the issue: Don't be what you aren't. Don't pretend you're sald of the earth when you're a rich privelidged guy. Don't try to be a man of passion when you can't even kiss your wife. If you absolutely have to fake it go republican and follow some nice strict guidelines. It's embarrassing.
Oh, and actually be passionate about something, but not like, creepy about it. Dennis Kucinich is someone I should back, but he's too eco and too glib and too the world can be all roses. He may be right, but I'm not ready to make such a drastic shift, even if I think I want to.
It's really Al Gore trying to kiss his wife in 2000. More than anything that was when I was like "shit, you guys suck", and ending up with John Kerry (four total bills sponsored in however many years, one about dolphins) trying to seem like something other than a rich socialite. Aat least Bush just goes dumb to hide his elite upbringing (again with the insulting to both sides).
So Al Gore is there, trying to prove that he's not a robot, but a man of passion and he kisses his wife. At least, that's how you'd imagine it had you read about it. What actually when down was so unsettling I'd rather think about Larry Craig doing his 'thing'. If Al Gore has ever kissed his wife, he hadn't done it in a long time. I'd put it up there with watching porn with your parents while they make out.
And that's the issue: Don't be what you aren't. Don't pretend you're sald of the earth when you're a rich privelidged guy. Don't try to be a man of passion when you can't even kiss your wife. If you absolutely have to fake it go republican and follow some nice strict guidelines. It's embarrassing.
Oh, and actually be passionate about something, but not like, creepy about it. Dennis Kucinich is someone I should back, but he's too eco and too glib and too the world can be all roses. He may be right, but I'm not ready to make such a drastic shift, even if I think I want to.
Robert Zemeckis Sucks
First it was Forest Gump. A debasive movie if there ever was one. Then there was "Contact" which is one of my favorite books, and I guess fortunately, the movie has about zero similarities and can be pretty much written off as another atempt to talk down to "the common folk"
Specifically the scene where she meets her dad who is actually an alien. In the book, she wakes up on a beach. Just a beach. No rippling walls, nothing weird at all. For all she knows it's all been a dream. But the movie needs those rippling walls. Needs to tell Jodie Foster and thus all the dumbasses in the audience who might have been asleep while her face was tearing off in wormholes (which was also dumb, but whatev) that she is on some alien planet house magic place, and thus ruining one of the key points in the book that these aliens are so fucking advanced it's straight up beyond your comprehension.
Sorry to curse there.
So Zemeckis is now doing zombie films, which usually i'm really into, but the last one was about Tom Hanks on the north pole, and the next one is taking the idea even further and merging the two worst ideas in animation, all-celebrity casts and "photoreal" humans and telling the story of Beowulf, which i haven't read and now really don't want to after that trailer.
They say that they are doing it all CG because of the way the main dude needs to age in the film, which can only be read as Zemeckis pissing in the mouth of every SFX makeup dude ever (maybe he never saw Amadeus?). Photoreal humans is a TERRIBLE idea. Dennis Muren had it right like fifteen years ago when he said it's impossible because all we, as humans, do every day, is look and interact with other humans, so the smallest things will immediately chuck you right into the uncanny valley.
I'm not against motion capture, or "performance capture" (puke), and in the case of something like Golem, or Davy Jones it makes perfect sense. In both cases the characters were stellar. They were also very not-human. All redoing known actors digitally does is allow you to change the camera angles after you've shot it. That's it. There is no other advantage. Even George Lucas used humans for his human characters.
I guess Cast Away was an accident.
Specifically the scene where she meets her dad who is actually an alien. In the book, she wakes up on a beach. Just a beach. No rippling walls, nothing weird at all. For all she knows it's all been a dream. But the movie needs those rippling walls. Needs to tell Jodie Foster and thus all the dumbasses in the audience who might have been asleep while her face was tearing off in wormholes (which was also dumb, but whatev) that she is on some alien planet house magic place, and thus ruining one of the key points in the book that these aliens are so fucking advanced it's straight up beyond your comprehension.
Sorry to curse there.
So Zemeckis is now doing zombie films, which usually i'm really into, but the last one was about Tom Hanks on the north pole, and the next one is taking the idea even further and merging the two worst ideas in animation, all-celebrity casts and "photoreal" humans and telling the story of Beowulf, which i haven't read and now really don't want to after that trailer.
They say that they are doing it all CG because of the way the main dude needs to age in the film, which can only be read as Zemeckis pissing in the mouth of every SFX makeup dude ever (maybe he never saw Amadeus?). Photoreal humans is a TERRIBLE idea. Dennis Muren had it right like fifteen years ago when he said it's impossible because all we, as humans, do every day, is look and interact with other humans, so the smallest things will immediately chuck you right into the uncanny valley.
I'm not against motion capture, or "performance capture" (puke), and in the case of something like Golem, or Davy Jones it makes perfect sense. In both cases the characters were stellar. They were also very not-human. All redoing known actors digitally does is allow you to change the camera angles after you've shot it. That's it. There is no other advantage. Even George Lucas used humans for his human characters.
I guess Cast Away was an accident.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
24 Sucks
After watching the first disc of the first season the only thought in my head was it really sucked that there wasn't a 24 hour DVD store to sell me this damn box set so I would never have to wait 8 hours before being able to see the next episode. Awesome.
See also Season 2, which was sweet.
3 started out cool, but then Jack got back to LA and I forget what happened other than a lot of people at CTU blowing it for silly reasons. See also seasons 4 and 5, which are so similar I get them confused and can't remember which one is the one where the fat dude w/ the lisp dies and which one his mom dies in (though logic is telling me he eats it in 5, so he can mourn his mom and not vice versa)
I Tivoed Season 6, but the formula was so entrenched that by mid season i'd watch the "previously on 24" and then fast forward all the way to the end and watch "next week, on 24" and feel like I had a pretty good handle on it. Then shame overtook and I canceled my season's pass to Jack Bauer's torture porn lollapalooza.
It really sucks too, because the show had so many options, and at least for a little while was asking interesting questions about policy, politics and human nature. Then it got to the point where a dude had his shoulder blade bored into and was back at work an hour later.
That's bullshit, because any dude hard enough to get back to work after such a horrible experience is definitely too hard to crack and make the terrorists a launch device.
Also, hire some new cast people. Pretty soon every non-dead cast member will have been president.
See also Season 2, which was sweet.
3 started out cool, but then Jack got back to LA and I forget what happened other than a lot of people at CTU blowing it for silly reasons. See also seasons 4 and 5, which are so similar I get them confused and can't remember which one is the one where the fat dude w/ the lisp dies and which one his mom dies in (though logic is telling me he eats it in 5, so he can mourn his mom and not vice versa)
I Tivoed Season 6, but the formula was so entrenched that by mid season i'd watch the "previously on 24" and then fast forward all the way to the end and watch "next week, on 24" and feel like I had a pretty good handle on it. Then shame overtook and I canceled my season's pass to Jack Bauer's torture porn lollapalooza.
It really sucks too, because the show had so many options, and at least for a little while was asking interesting questions about policy, politics and human nature. Then it got to the point where a dude had his shoulder blade bored into and was back at work an hour later.
That's bullshit, because any dude hard enough to get back to work after such a horrible experience is definitely too hard to crack and make the terrorists a launch device.
Also, hire some new cast people. Pretty soon every non-dead cast member will have been president.
Resident Evil Extinction Sucks
So Claire Redfield (so named because there was a girl in the game who had the same name) has this band of survivors. She's Mel Gibson if he had stuck w/ the Road Warrior caravan after messing up the Humongous, to explain it better.
So they come to a place that might have some food and gas and supplies. They've been doing this for at least months. So they stop, and everyone hops out and she starts giving them orders, set up a perimeter, check the interior, find any gas. Now, were all these people new to the anti-zombie caravan that would make sense. But they've been a survivor team for a while now, and i would like to think they know their jobs without having to be told every time they stop.
She even acknowledges that at the end of her aliens-wannabe speech by saying, "you know what to do,"
At which point Carlos or whoever should have said, "yeah, we do. Why do you need to tell us every time? It's humiliating."
Then Mila Jovovitch (who's married to the writer no less--though, I suppose he is the only one keeping her employed these days...) uses some psychic shit to kill some birds and then...
well whatever on the psychic shit. That stuff is just dumb.
What is positively staggeringly insultingly inane is Umbrella's base is out in the desert. A small house w/ a futuristic elevator down to their ubercomplex where they do tests on the zombies to turn them into the 28 days later zombies. Now, Claire and crew have to RUN to stay alive. Yet here is this house (complete w/ a helicopter that can fly from the American southwest to someplace in Alaska on a single tank of gas) with a ton of people living down under it.
How do the Zombies not get at these people when they have so obviously gotten everywhere else? Chain Link Fence.
Yeah. If you're gonna just stop trying like that, at least let me know ahead of time.
So they come to a place that might have some food and gas and supplies. They've been doing this for at least months. So they stop, and everyone hops out and she starts giving them orders, set up a perimeter, check the interior, find any gas. Now, were all these people new to the anti-zombie caravan that would make sense. But they've been a survivor team for a while now, and i would like to think they know their jobs without having to be told every time they stop.
She even acknowledges that at the end of her aliens-wannabe speech by saying, "you know what to do,"
At which point Carlos or whoever should have said, "yeah, we do. Why do you need to tell us every time? It's humiliating."
Then Mila Jovovitch (who's married to the writer no less--though, I suppose he is the only one keeping her employed these days...) uses some psychic shit to kill some birds and then...
well whatever on the psychic shit. That stuff is just dumb.
What is positively staggeringly insultingly inane is Umbrella's base is out in the desert. A small house w/ a futuristic elevator down to their ubercomplex where they do tests on the zombies to turn them into the 28 days later zombies. Now, Claire and crew have to RUN to stay alive. Yet here is this house (complete w/ a helicopter that can fly from the American southwest to someplace in Alaska on a single tank of gas) with a ton of people living down under it.
How do the Zombies not get at these people when they have so obviously gotten everywhere else? Chain Link Fence.
Yeah. If you're gonna just stop trying like that, at least let me know ahead of time.
Perez Hilton Sucks
I read that shit every day. I'd be down 100% except for all his shameless self promotion. It's like those douches on forums that have some pic of a girl who wrote their handle on her tits as their sig.
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