24 Season 7 Will Sucks

I saw a piece of the trailer for this "Jack Bauer in Africa" business in a bar. I was told it would take place in Washington D.C. instead of Los Angeles.

I was hopeful.

I made a mental note to watch the trailer with sound on.

Utter blah. Other than putting an orange filter over all the Africa footage, what is new? It's all the same parodies of real humans, so one sided they might as well be the stars of a Joel Schumacher courtroom drama. Easy answers are on the menu.

Things that will happen in this season:
- Jack tortures people
- People tortures Jack
- 3rd party gets tortured and instead of either a) dying, or b) getting their ass to a hospital they will c) get right back to the work "only they can do" and create filler for the better half of the season.
- CTU gets infiltrated
- 3 to 1 it's by someone who has a recently kidnapped relative and a cockamamie reason for not calling the cops about it.
- Jack's boss hates Jack and will fuck him over to add another 15-20 minutes to each and every goddamn episode
- A bunch of government dudes will be complete horrible shitholes for almost no reason other than like one of them has a brother in law who's half Chinese or something.
- Jack Bauer will say "You're gonna have to trust me" and you know what? He'll be right, because Jack Bauer is never ever wrong on 24, ever. He's like Donald Rumsfeld's idea of Colon Powell and George Patton's lovechild: indescribably perfect.
- Jack's Ninja father shows up again and does more Ninja like crap.
- Things that kill many normal people (poison gas, bombs, bullets, torture...) make Jack cough, grimace and possibly sputter for 2-5 seconds before he gets up and does something heroic or we break for commercial.
- They'll lose Jack, the bad guys or more likely both, on their satelite feeds.
- Jack will rack up a 40 plus bodycount over the "day" and the rest of the world will not notice all the random shootings in North Hollywood (sorry, "D.C.") parking lots.

and finally,
- No one will fire any of the incomptent turds that comprise the "white house staff" that has consitently blown it for 6 seasons in a row. There's been four presidents, right? Five if you count whoever pre-Palmer was. I don't want to see the same people snarking on each other while some genuine crisis is only averted beacause superhuman Jack Bauer makes up for the incompetence of an entire government.

Go Jack,

I'll be rooting for you, at least until I start skipping to the "Next week on 24" part way at the end like I did for last season.